Sunday, April 12, 2015

a divine appointment

I saw this quote on facebook one day and I liked it so much I saved it onto my desktop. It's been there for over a year now. A year. That is how long God has been working on my heart. Actually, it's been a lot longer than that. I recently have come to the conclusion that I have been running from Him and His purpose for me. There are lots of reasons, but here's a list (that will no doubt make you feel better about yourself!)

Reasons I've been running
- past hurts (stuck in the pain of yesterday)
- fear of inadequacy (who am I to be capable of doing God's work?)
- trust issues (trusting that God is for me not against me)
- selfishness (because I know it's going to cost me)
- pride (to serve God means I must decrease so that He must increase ~ John 3:30)

So yeah. I have a lot of praying to do!

The Holy Spirit has been working on me. In a recent desperate moment, I prayed for God to send me a friend to help me process through all the past hurts that have been keeping me weighed down. I knew when I prayed this prayer that He would answer (and I don't get that confident feeling very often). I patiently waited, knowing He would come through for me. A couple of weeks went by and sometimes I would think about the prayer but I never once worried it wouldn't be answered.

And then it happened. Last week, a bible study that a sweet friend of mine has at her house was supposed to be cancelled, except I weirdly did not receive her text telling me it was cancelled (which never happens). I showed up (and was super embarrassed) but she welcomed me in anyway because that's how amazing she is.

I sat on her couch with our kids playing all around us, sometimes interrupting for snacks or to ask kid-like questions, and I opened my heart to her. {Let me take a moment to say, this is huge for me. I don't open up to people like that often.}

She was so gracious to listen to me and counsel me. It was such an amazing feeling to be in that moment and know that God was answering my prayer through her. I knew that healing was taking place and I haven't been the same since. This was a week ago, on Good Friday. A divine appointment.

Since then I have been gaining some clarity in areas of my life that have seemed dark and confusing. I am thankful that God heard the prayer of a lonely hurting housewife in Benton, Arkansas. Who am I that He would turn His ear to me?

I am His daughter. He is for me, not against me.

My prayer is that He would give me the strength to lay down my pride and overcome my selfishness, that I may serve Him wholeheartedly. Dear Reader, join me on this journey. We can learn together. I will post more on this soon but until then, I leave you with this...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

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